am I doing it wrong? | that's what she said
This was the first time doing family portraits without the boys dad, and it was a little weird. I felt like something was missing, that I was doing something wrong by not including him, I thought about how the boys would react to not seeing their dad in the pictures after, would they ask me why? Would they be upset? and the big one...am I ruining them?
It has been a few years since we decided to separate and I am still being triggered by this sense of doing something wrong, tearing apart a family unit and that a true family includes two parents living under the same roof. These triggers can sideline me, bring up all sorts of negative talk and judgments, and anger..why does a family have to be only one way for it to be "right" why can't I choose what I would Love and what's best for us all?
Well the truth is we can, it doesn't mean its always easy but we can choose what it means to be a family. A lot of people say to me, "you're so lucky you get along with your ex" luck doesn't have anything to do with it, I choose everyday how I want to show up, I sometimes have to check my ego at the door in order to have great communication, I choose to change myself instead of focusing on how I wish the other person was different...ever try to change someone? How did that work out for you? It has never worked for me (yeah been there done that bought a thousand t-shirts), so I decided to step up and change the only thing that's in my control, myself.
This may be tough to hear but its the truth..we need to decide for ourselves what we want our relationships to look like and this one just happens to be easy now haha (insert living the single life) I have learned so much about myself and how I engage in relationships and how I was coming from fear based thoughts and beliefs (like what a family is suppose to look like) that were causing problems, mis communication and un realistic expectations. Things I am still working on today, when I get triggered I have to really ask myself where is this coming from? What old beliefs can be let go so that I can move even more into love.
These two little humans are so incredible, they are my biggest teachers, are the source of so much gratitude and love that I just explode into tears! I want to be the best mom that I can, and that means messing up and showing them that I am human and we ALL choose fear sometimes, but the gift is what have I learned and how can I choose love instead? Showing them that a family is not defined by who lives where and with whom.
If you are going through a separation or difficult time in your relationship just know that I am here for you, everyones experience is different, valid and important, your voice is needed too.. sharing your story of how you overcame is empowering to others and when you choose Love instead of Fear you inspire others to do the same...what would you love you relationship to look like? Does it look like the "norm" to society or is it something different and amazing what works for you? I would love to hear your story, let's open up a dialogue and talk about it:)